I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
