there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and she was petting her beer can
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
