Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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