I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
