if you like me you must not know who I am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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