i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
