On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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