How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
