'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
