For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
