You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
