the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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