I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
