Can i not drive my cunt home
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
