Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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