So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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