you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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