I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
