I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
