I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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