Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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