alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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