Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
