Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
