so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
