none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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