just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
