I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
