By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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