i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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