dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
