This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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