No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
