I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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