Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
