So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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