we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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