Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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