Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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