you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
