Pappa wants mamma naked
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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