I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
