U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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