I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
