apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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