My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
