Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
