why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
