2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
