Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
