Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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