I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
