I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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