Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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