genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
