how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
