i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
